Dear Internal Revenue Service:

Enclosed you will find my 2008 tax return showing that I owe $3,407.00 in taxes.

Please note the attached article from the USA Today newspaper; dated 12November, wherein you will see the Pentagon (Department of Defense) is paying $171.50 per hammer and NASA has paid $600.00 per toilet seat.

I am enclosing four (4) toilet seats (valued @ $2,400) and six (6) hammers (valued @ $1,029), which I secured at Home Depot, bringing my total remittance to $3,429.00.

Please apply the overpayment of $22.00 to the 'Presidential Election Fund,' as noted on my return.

You can do this inexpensively by sending them one (1) 1.5' Phillips Head Screw (see aforementioned article from USA Today newspaper detailing how H.U.D. pays $22.00 each for 1.5' Phillips Head Screws).

One screw is enclosed for your convenience.

It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year.

Sincerely,
A Satisfied Taxpayer

As you may have heard, the Bush Administration said each of us would get a rebate check to stimulate the economy.

If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China. If we spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs, if we purchase a computer it will go to India, if we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala, if we purchase a good car it will go to Japan, if we purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan and none of it will help the American economy.

We need to keep that money here in America. The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it at yard sales, since those are the only businesses still in the US.

Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called any chance to work an opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

*(Although I have not been able to verify that this Internet circulated quote is actually from him, it is unlikely that he would disagree with its wisdom.)

1. Go to the Goodwill Store and buy a pair of men's work boots, size 14-16 (well used).

2. Place them on the front porch along with a copy of Gun and Ammo magazine.

3. Put a couple of BIG dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

Hey Bubba!
Big Jim, Duke, Slim and Me gone for more ammo. We'll get back in about 1 hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls--they got after the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all the dogs in the house.

Better just wait outside til we get back.

Cooter

Boy, am I confused. I have been hammered with the propaganda that it is the Iraq war and the war on terror that is bankrupting us. I now find that to be RIDICULOUS.

I hope the following 14 reasons are forwarded over and over again until they are read so many times that the reader gets sick of reading them. I have included the URL's for verification of all the following facts.

1. $11 billion to $22 billion is spent on welfare to illegal aliens each year by state governments. Verify at: email/fair.shtml

2. $2.2 billion a year is spent on food assistance programs such as food stamps, WIC, and free school lunches for illegal aliens. Verify at: email/cis.shtml

3. $2.5 billion a year is spent on Medicaid for illegal aliens. Verify at: email/cis.shtml

4. $12 billion a year is spent on primary and secondary school education for children here illegally and they cannot speak a word of English!

5. $17 billion a year is spent for education for the American-born children of illegal aliens, known as anchor babies.

6. $3 million a DAY is spent to incarcerate illegal aliens.

7. 30% of all Federal Prison inmates are illegal aliens.

8. $90 billion a year is spent on illegal aliens for Welfare & social services by the American taxpayers.

9. $200 billion a year in suppressed American wages are caused by the illegal aliens.

10. The illegal aliens in the United States have a crime rate that's two and a half times that of white non-illegal aliens. In particular, their children, are going to make a huge additional crime problem in the U.S.

11. During the year of 2005 there were 4 to 10 MILLION illegal aliens that crossed our Southern border. Also, as many as 19,500 illegal aliens from terrorist countries. Millions of pounds of drugs, cocaine, meth, heroin and marijuana, crossed into the U.S. from the Southern border. Verify at: Homeland Security Report: email/homeland.shtml

12. The National Policy Institute, estimated that the total cost of mass deportation would be between $206 and $230 billion or an average cost of between $41 and $46 billion annually over a five year period.

13. In 2006 illegal aliens sent home $45 billion in remittances back to their countries of origin. Verify at: email/rense.shtml

14. The Dark Side of Illegal Immigration: Nearly One Million Sex Crimes Committed by Illegal Immigrants In The United States. Verify at: email/drdsk.shtml

The total cost is a whopping 338.3 BILLION DOLLARS A YEAR.

Are we THAT stupid?
If this doesn't bother you then just delete the message. If, on the other hand, it does raise the hair on the back of your neck, I hope you forward it to every legal resident in the country including every representative in Washington, D.C. - five times a week for as long as it takes to restore some semblance of intelligence in our policies and enforcement thereof.

An elderly man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old,

pulls up next to a doctor at a street light.

The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car
and asks,
'What kind of car ya got there, sonny?'

The doctor replies, 'A Ferrari GTO.
It cost half a million dollars!'

'That's a lot of money,' says the old man.
'Why does it cost so much?'

'Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!' states the doctor proudly.

The Moped driver asks,
'Mind if I take a look inside?'

'No problem,' replies the doctor.

So the old man pokes his head in the window
and looks around.
Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says,
'That's a pretty nice car, all right... but I'll stick with my Moped!'

Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car can do.
He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 160 mph.

Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror.
It seems to be getting closer!

He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly WHOOOOSSSHHH!

Something whips by him going much faster!

'What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?' the doctor asks himself.

He presses harder on the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph.

Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the Moped!

Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, He gives it more gas and passes the Moped at 275 mph. He was feeling pretty good until he looked in his mirror and saw the old man gaining on him AGAIN!

Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph.

Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again! The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing he can do!

Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end.

The doctor stops and jumps out and unbelievably, the old man is still alive.

He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says, 'I'm a doctor... Is there anything I can do for you?'

The old man whispers,

'Unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror.'

If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when "Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course...

Q. DO female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. What made the monkey cry?
A. Paul Lynde: Learning that Tarzan swings both ways.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. Charley, what story began with the discovery of magic beans?
A. Charley Weaver: Inherit the Wind!

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. Which measurement was larger for the first Miss America , bust or hips?
A. Charley Weaver: Well, out at 'The Home', we have one of the first Miss Americas, and her bust meets her hips!

Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q. You're watching balls going back and forth at speeds of up to 170 miles per hour. In what sport?
A. Joan Rivers: Jogging!

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget. 

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. If you're eating spaghetti the Italian way, what is in your left hand?
A. Paul Lynde: A fly swatter.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

Q. What is a woman's most effective weapon?
A. Paul Lynde:... a pair of 38's...

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly  believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.

  We know Dick Lamm as the former Governor of Colorado.
In that context his thoughts are particularly poignant.  Last week there
was an immigration overpopulation conference in Washington, DC, filled
to capacity by many of America's finest minds and leaders.  A brilliant
college professor by the name of Victor Davis Hanson talked about his
latest book, "Mexifornia," explaining how immigration - both legal and
illegal, was destroying the entire state of California. He said it would
march across the country until it destroyed all vestiges of The American
Dream.
  
  Moments later, former Colorado Governor Richard D. Lamm
stood up and gave a stunning speech on how to destroy America.  The
audience sat spellbound as he described eight methods for the
destruction of the United States.  He said, "If you believe that America
is too smug, too self-satisfied, too rich, then let's destroy America.
It is not that hard to do.  No nation in history has survived the
ravages of time.  Arnold Toynbee observed that all great civilizations
rise and fall and that 'An autopsy of history would show that all great
nations commit suicide.'"
  
  "Here is how they do it," Lamm said:
  
  "First, to destroy America, turn America into a
bilingual or multi-lingual and bicultural country.  History shows that
no nation can survive the tension, conflict, and antagonism of two or
more competing languages and cultures.  It is a blessing for an
individual to be bilingual; however, it is a curse for a society to be
bilingual.  The historical scholar, Seymour Lipset, put it this way:
'The histories of bilingual and bicultural societies that do not
assimilate are histories of turmoil, tension, and tragedy.'  Canada,
Belgium, Malaysia, and Lebanon all face crises of national existence in
which minorities press for autonomy, if not independence.  Pakistan and
Cyprus have divided.  Nigeria suppressed an ethnic rebellion.  France
faces difficulties with Basques, Bretons, and Corsicans."
  
  Lamm went on:
  
  "Second, to destroy America, invent 'multiculturalism'
and encourage immigrants to maintain their culture.  Make it an article
of belief that all cultures are equal; that there are no cultural
differences.  Make it an article of faith that the Black and Hispanic
dropout rates are due solely to prejudice and discrimination by the
majority.  Every other explanation is out of bounds."
  
  "Third, we could make the United States an 'Hispanic
Quebec' without much effort.  The key is to celebrate diversity rather
than unity.  As Benjamin Schwarz said in the Atlantic Monthly recently:
'The apparent success of our own multi-ethnic and multicultural
experiment might have been achieved not by tolerance but by hegemony.
Without the dominance that once dictated ethnocentricity and what it
meant to be an American, we are left with only tolerance and pluralism
to hold us together.' Lamm said, "I would encourage all immigrants to
keep their own language and culture.  I would replace the melting pot
metaphor with the salad bowl metaphor.  It is important to ensure that
we have various cultural subgroups living in America enforcing their
differences rather than as Americans, emphasizing their similarities."
  
  "Fourth, I would make our fastest growing demographic
group the least educated.  I would add a second underclass,
unassimilated, undereducated, and antagonistic to our population.  I
would have this second underclass have a 50% dropout rate from high
school."
  
  "My fifth point for destroying America would be to get
big foundations and business to give these efforts lots of money.  I
would invest in ethnic identity, and I would establish the cult of
'Victimology.'  I would get all minorities to think that their lack of
success was the fault of the majority.  I would start a grievance
industry blaming all minority failure on the majority population."
  
  "My sixth plan for America's downfall would include dual
citizenship, and promote divided loyalties.  I would celebrate diversity
over unity.  I would stress differences rather than similarities.
Diverse people worldwide are mostly engaged in hating each other - that
is, when they are not killing each other.  A diverse, peaceful, or
stable society is against most historical precedent. People undervalue
the unity it takes to keep a nation together.  Look at the ancient
Greeks.  The Greeks believed that they belonged to the same race; they
possessed a common language and literature; and they worshipped the same
gods.  All Greece took part in the Olympic games.  A common enemy,
Persia, threatened their liberty.  Yet all these bonds were not strong
enough to overcome two factors:  local patriotism and geographical
conditions that nurtured political divisions.  Greece fell.  "E.
Pluribus Unum" -- >From many, one.  In that historical reality, if we
put the emphasis on the 'Pluribus' instead of the 'Unum,' we will
balkanize America as surely as Kosovo."
  
  "Next to last, I would place all subjects off limits.
Make it taboo to talk about anything against the cult of 'diversity.'  I
would find a word similar to 'heretic' in the 16th century - that
stopped discussion and paralyzed thinking.  Words like 'racist' or
'xenophobe' halt discussion and debate.  Having made America a
bilingual/bicultural country, having established multi-culturism, having
the large foundations fund the doctrine of 'Victimology,' I would next
make it impossible to enforce our immigration laws.  I would develop a
mantra:  That because immigration has been good for America, it must
always be good.  I would make every individual immigrant symmetric and
ignore the cumulative impact of millions of them."
  
  In the last minute of his speech, Governor Lamm wiped
his brow.  Profound silence followed. 
  

  

  Finally he said, "Lastly, I would censor Victor Hanson
Davis's book 'Mexifornia.'  His book is dangerous.  It exposes the plan
to destroy America.  If you feel America deserves to be destroyed, don't
read that book."
  
  
  There was no applause.  A chilling fear quietly rose
like an ominous cloud above every attendee at the conference.  Every
American in that room knew that everything Lamm enumerated was
proceeding methodically, quietly, darkly, yet pervasively across the
United States today. 
  Discussion is being suppressed.  Over 100 languages are
ripping the foundation of our educational system and national
cohesiveness.  Even barbaric cultures that practice female genital
mutilation are growing as we celebrate 'diversity.'  American jobs are
vanishing into the Third World as corporations create a Third World in
America. 
  Take note of California and other states.  To date, ten
million illegal aliens and growing fast.  It is reminiscent of George
Orwell's book "1984."  In that story, three slogans are engraved in the
Ministry of Truth building: "War is peace," "Freedom is slavery," and
"Ignorance is strength."
  
  Governor Lamm walked back to his seat.  It dawned on
everyone at the conference that our nation and the future of this great
democracy is deeply in trouble and worsening fast.  If we don't get this
immigration monster stopped within three years, it will rage like a
California wildfire and destroy everything in its path, especially The
American Dream.

We are joined with one another in ways that nobody can understand. This oneness speaks to the unity that exists in all of creation and how that if we attempt to separate from nature and from one another, it always works to our detriment. (BQ, Chpt. 43)
  
 At the end of this message, you are asked a question. 
Answer it immediately. Don't stop and think about it.
Just say the first thing that pops into your mind. 

This is a fun 'test'... AND kind of spooky at the same time! Give it a try, then e-mail it around (including back to me) and you'll see how many people you know fall into the same percentage as you. Be sure to put in the subject line if you are among the 98% or the 2%. You'll understand what that means after you finish taking the 'test.' 

Now - just follow the instructions as quickly as possible.

Do not go to the next calculation before you have finished the previous one...

You do not ever need to write or remember the answers, just do it using your mind. 

You'll be surprised.

Start:

How much is:

15 + 6

3 + 56 

89 + 2

12 + 53

75 + 26

25 + 52

63 + 32


I know Calculations are hard work, but it's nearly over...

Come on, one more! 

123 + 5 

QUICK! THINK ABOUT A COLOR AND A TOOL! 

Scroll further to the bottom! 

 

A bit more...

 

You just thought about a red hammer, didn't you?

If this is not your answer, you are among 2% of people who have a different, if not abnormal, mind. 

98% of the folks would answer a red hammer while doing this exercise.

If you do not believe this, pass it around and you'll see.

Good thoughts that reflect many of the ideas in the Thinking Matters books.

I Believe...
That just because two people argue,
it doesn't mean they don't love each other.
And just because they don't argue,
it doesn't mean they do love each other.

I Believe...
That we don't have to change friends if
we understand that friends change.

I Believe...
That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt
you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I Believe...
That true friendship continues to grow, even over
the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I Believe...
That you can do something in an instant
that will give you heartache for life.

I Believe...
That it's taking me a long time
to become the person I want to be.

I Believe...
That you should always leave loved ones with
loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I Believe...
That you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I Believe...
That we are responsible for what
we do, no matter how we feel.

I Believe...
That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I Believe...
That heroes are the people who do what has to be done
when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I Believe...
That money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I Believe...
That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best
time.

I Believe...
That sometimes the people you expect to kick you
when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

I Believe...
That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I Believe...
That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had
and what you've learned from them and less to do
with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I Believe...
That it isn't always enough, to be forgiven by others,
sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I Believe...
That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for
your grief.

I Believe...
That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are,
but, we are responsible for who we become.

I Believe...
That you shouldn't be so eager to find
out a secret. It could change your life Forever.

I Believe...
Two people can look at the exact same
thing and see something totally different.

I Believe...
That your life can be changed in a matter of
hours by people who don't even know you.

I Believe...
That even when you think you have no more to give, when
a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.

I Believe...
That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.